Monday 18th February

Weight: 21st 1 1/2lb.
Loss this week: 4lb.
Total lost: 24lb

I'm smiling tonight - 4lb off this week, I got my 1 1/2 st award AND Slimmer Of The Week. My book is already looking quite abundant with stickers - wonder where I'll stick them all when the book cover is full! Look at me getting cocky now :-)

I thought tonight I might tell you what is motivating me so strongly right now.

My mum was a yoyo dieter all my life, certainly I never learnt a healthy approach to eating from her. It was either a stack of home baking and huge meals, snacks and "treats" at KFC, or it was starvation and diet pills. Certainly she never exercised or dieted in a moderate way. When she was about my age she actually starved herself to the point where she looked shockingly thin - a huge haggard head on a stick thin body. Her health was appalling at that point - she suffered black outs, hair loss, dehydration and mental problems. And those are just the things I know about!

At 54 she was as large as ever again, had hugely swollen legs, high blood pressure, and suffered a stroke. The stroke was fairly minor - at first she was still able to walk to the shops with me and get on with things as normal with a bit of help. But she refused rehab, and gradually got worse. She refused to stop smoking, her diet shocked me to the core - she basically immersed herself in a diet of sweets, biscuits, crisps and diet coke.

12 months ago I helped her move to sheltered accommodation, and involved Social Services in getting her a carer to assist her with personal care, meals on wheels and daycare. By this time she was basically immobile and living within the confines of her bed and sofa. It rapidly became clear that there was some serious mental issues going on too, which I may talk about here one day, but now is not the time!

In September she was found on the floor by her carer, and sent to hospital. 5 months later she is still there. She has been diagnosed with vascular dementia which basically means she has had lots and lots of blood clots in her brain resulting in the dementia. And she has also had a hysterectomy after being diagnosed with endometrial cancer - an obesity related cancer.

She is just 60 years old and we are looking for a nursing home for her.

I am nearly 41 and it's got to be now or never. I have to minimise my risks of ending up in the same state. I feel as though I have a big ticking bomb inside me, and the only way to defuse it is to lose weight, exercise and be a healthy person! I have to do this because I don't want my daughter to have to deal with the problems I have faced with my mum. My daughter is only 6. I need to be a general pain to her for a lot longer yet!

So there we go. The reason for all this. It's a bit grim innit!

On a lighter note, I'm very proud to say my dear husband* joined me at SW last week and in his first week he has lost a stunning 15lbs!

*Dear husband will henceforth be known as DH. This is handy because when he is pissing me off, it can stand for dickhead. Bonus!